Blog :: Oct 19 11, 03:10
Therapy
I am discovering that sometimes my ideas may not always jive with other people.
interesting.
Whatever, I blog the way Natalie Goldberg sugests to write in notebooks to improve your writing. The discipline I am needing comes from focusing on a topic. Right now, here in this moment I don't hold attachment to people who read this blog. I used to, hoped for it, decided to see if the lesbian community was an audience I needed to gear my writing too.
Yeah... maybe I am not needing an audience. HELLO... ding ding. ding..
So I write. write... write.. write..
Today I rearranged my apartment because of a new addition to my furniture. I am in a relationship that is difficult for me to be around. Currently we are in a separation. I asked for it, needed it. I found I was disassociating during our time together. In other words I dont remember things, conversations or why we got back together after I broke up her. Strange.
I started therapy, not for her, or even because of her, I started therapy because I am tired of feeling like I dont know whats going on. Losing time is one thing walking around all day feeling afraid, angry and depressed in rolling waves of intense emotion quite another.
bottom line we needed to stop. Do I love her? she asked... her reasoning is simple if I dont then a separation is a moot point. Sure... i get that.
The problem is I dont feel anything. ANYthing.. not even for other people.
I hate this. and thats why I am in therapy.
Okay..
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rocdragon, http://rocdragon.shoe.org/