The Difference

Good Afternoon Ladies,

Fabolous weather for a Thursday in February in Arizona. Some of the coldest weather we have had in several years these past few weeks. Actually had snow at 1500 feet, if you are used to snow then I suppose this doesn't make much sense to you. However, the cactuses are currently purchasing space heaters from Home Depot.

Subtely was not one of my stronger characteristics growing up,the tendency to not comprehend certain nuances of the female psyche often left me scratching my head at the end of the night. One might think that being a woman offers a certain amount insight not regularly gained by the opposite sex. As my spiritual friend Ben says, "Time is always on my side, if I allow it to be." The exception to the rule about inisghts to the opposite sex Ben has come closer to the truth about women.

There is nothing to know or do to gain anything.

The concept may sound unfamilliar considering that social thinking leans towards gifts to show affection, committments in writing to illustrate love, and the ever popular nodding and smiling to avoid argument. These systems of thought permeate the heterosexual community and of course the homosexual community. It isn't a far stretch to see the similiarities between both types of relationships. The easier, softer way is to notice the differences. After all if we focus on those aspects of human relating then we can continue to war amongst ourselves over God, rights, and love.

These differences or nuances boil down to the simplest and most basic of observations relating to anatomy, emotional intelligence and gender roles. These are obvious and therefore irrelevant to the real issues of relating. That is of course, assuming the general desire of anyone person to experience the joy, limitless and freeing emotion that is love.

When I was twenty something the idea of love amounted to the cartoon mythologies presented by Disney Pictures, fables from ancient mythologies and the current relationships surrounding my childhood. Those included not only my parents but grandparents (on both sides), aunts, uncles, and the ocaisional friends. The ideas presented within those examples provided much of my own expectations of the "one", quickly becoming the model for comparison for everyone woman that entered the arena of the girlfriend.

The track record that follows those formulative years shows the same amount of pain, regret,fears and war wounds that each of the models presented. Because the idea of love that is represented by my parents indicated that a good relationship is marked by the amount hell a couple walks through.
Really? For ten years it is what I believed, consequently what I sought. Each relationship, marriage, one night stand carried this stigma. During the timeframes of these relationships I could only percieve the trials. Statements like "This is sucky but it is all that I have." "If you were in my shoes you would be angry too." "Why do I always get the drama queens?" When will I find the love of my life?" On and on they went, and the interesting point was the crazier, sicker, and hellacious the relationship was the more determined I was to stay in it.

Now, 34 my idea of love was put under a microscope. I looked at each relationship, the pros the cons, the issues and then I did the hardest thing. I looked for my part in every one. Every one. It soon became clear that my choices, my ideas about relationships and love were the catalysts in the type of relationships I had. The biggest revelation was testing.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I made this connection; The harder it is to be together,the more trials faced, then they were the one, the soulmate. If there is indeed such a thing, like I said my thought process changed. Randomly I tested each woman, put her through trials to "prove" her worth.

Really? The eyebrow raises and I think, perhaps its time to change.
That is where I am, now, the difference between a twenty something idealist and a thirty-something realist. Now don't get me wrong I don't swing from one end to the other, at least not anymore. Its really just an experience after all.

Cool