The Pattern

It is the only definition of the word I know: When this happens then this inevitably follows. After noticing a pattern then the awareness gives one the ability to change the pattern if it no longer serves its original purpose.

What is the pattern?

Being devoid of love, feeling as though you are not worthy of love. This pattern creates the relationships of controlling dramas. (James Redfield, The celestine prophecy.)

What is the pattern for feeling unloved, or devoid of love? Where does it stem from and why do we continue to take emotional hostages?

Great questions and even better are the answers, but they my friends reside within in you. Always have.


Personally I have allowed another to have power over me when it deemed appropiate to recieve what I wanted. Namely; security, relationship status and feeling apart of. These types of needs are conditional on my providing something to that person. It is like going shopping, only it's not a Target or a WalMart. No, we have to go to the Relationsihp Store.

"Good Day, Maam! How can I help you today?" the clerk asks from behind the relationship counter.

I am uncertain and shy. "I don't know. Can I look around a while?"

He looks at me with a crooked smile and says, "Of course, let me know if I can help."

The first trip to the Relationship Store is exciting and scary all at the same time. Perhaps because we are confused by what is available and what we know. I walked down the isle's marked 'Disney', 'Sitcoms', 'tragedies', and 'Like Mom and Dad'. They looked familliar and felt comfortable so I brought a few jars to the man at the counter.
"I would like to try these, sir." I said with glee. He only smiled at me as he picked up each jar. He looked quite content as each jar passed under the scanner.

Naught a word as he tallied my purchases. While I waited, excited about my future relationships I noticed the jars on the wall behind the counter. They glowed in bright colors but had no labels. I opened my mouth to ask him what they were when he said my total.

Momentarily confused, I asked him to repeat my total.

"I said that will be about 400 million minutes of codependency, fear, guilt, controlling, pain, anguish, and only 200 million times of shame, manipulation and hostaging." he repeating smiling.

"Is there anything else I can get for you?" I looked at the purchases still excited and my gaze went back to the jars.

"What do those cost?" I asked. His smile grew wider as he leaned forward on the counter. "Those you say?" he mused without ever looking backward. "Those, my dear, are absolutely free."

I remember laughing out loud, "You can't be serious? Free? Since when are relationships free?" I gathered my bags and walked back to my car.

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And this is where the story is interupted by the nice salesman and the shopper; experiencing something that you know should be free is quite different than believing it exists.

That is why I take emotional hostages in my relationships. Why do you?

Cool