My own Emotional Sobriety

Dear Reader,

The concept of "emotional sobriety" eluded me for years, about 32 years. That is the age when I was introduced not onlyl to the concept but to idea that perhaps I was not emotionally sober... what the heck does that mean? I am a 32 year old woman with a 12 year old's mind, emotions, reactions and responses. I can tell you that does not bode well in the workplace or in relationships.
Ever date someone that became upset because you said no? That was me, acting a chld again who is losing her playmate.
Note to reader: Girlfriends and or potential girlfriends do not think it's cute when you throw a tantrum because she decides now is not a good time for friends over.

In case you find yourself checking in the mirror to see if there are any extra acne spots, (teenagers do this) or suddenly find yourself alone in a room because no one is willing to listen to you complain (again) about how the laundry is piling up and no one wants to admit to using all the clean towels.

That is the moment I found myself wondering what was happening to me.
Prior to that, the question was always, "Why am I here? NO one is listening, the boy is a drug addict and lies at every turn. The mother ignores his staying up all night and sleeping all day, dropping out of school and still refuses to have a conversation. On top of all of that, I still freakin love her."

Suddenly in a moment of clarity I quit.
I quit blaming the son, stopped looking for the next problem area to fix and stopped asking my girlfriend to do something.
I just stopped everything.

Breathing became the most beautiful experience. I could breathe, no extra weight on my shoulders, no shoulda's or coulda's no more seeking to see why things weren't working.
Breathing.
That was something.
Growing up in public can be a real B@#$!.

Thank God for people that point out the road signs

Rochelle

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